Homesick 3

What is it about being pregnant and being away from your parents and in-laws and extended family that makes you homesick?

There are a lot of plusses when it comes to living an "independent" life with just your husband in a land far away from home. But this isn't about the benefits of such a lifestyle. It is more about how you begin to appreciate family because you are so far away from them. Family, after all, is your bedrock, your support system. As they say, many hands make light work, and definitely more fun. Getting the dishes done by your maid isn't as enriching or as satisfying as doing the same task with your sister/mom/sisters-in-law with a dose of family-jokes and anecdotes sprinkled in between. Mundane housework remains mundane when you are the one doing it with a husband glued to the idiot box or the phone for company! Hah! Now that's when I start missing the rest of the family.

The other day, I was dicing potatoes for stir-fry when I remembered how my grandmother used to do it every morning and I remembered her instructions crystal clear as though she were right in front of me. And of course, mom used to do it differently. All in a flash, memories of the stories they had to tell about when they were young brides, when they were pregnant would come flooding. The stories had prepped me to some extent, but I was on my own. Scary...and that's a different level of homesickness altogether. When you know your elder female kin cannot be with you then and there because they are at different places, different planes of existence...

Some days get tiring and you just want to take it easy and leave making dinner to the husband. But predictably, like my mom used to fret, I would invariably worry that he'd not make dinner the way I do. Illogical totally, I know...I mean there could be a dozen ways to skin a potato and your way isn't the only way of doing things right, but that thought comes only as an after-thought. Sometimes, it's such an effort even to relax! Then I start missing the rest of the family again.

Of course, there are those days when business calls late and your husband's home barely in time for dinner. The TV's on for some background noise, the mobile phone is put to work--connecting you to friends and family while your tasks are getting done, you try reading or browsing or social networking to fill in the time, and then you flop down on the couch and realize what an effort it is to get up even for a drink of water! You waddle all over the apartment, because that's the only way to keep your balance as your weight and your belly-girth increases. The bell rings and with your limited mobility, you waddle to open the door again, taking a long breath (you are so out of breath all the time!)! Hurrah! The husband's home! I wish my mother in law was around--at least, she'd answer the doorbell and chat with me before he arrives. Boredom and homesickness all rolled into one...and I live to miss home, yet again...

Homesick Again

My Dad was in town this week for his checkup. After much cajoling and pleading, he finally agreed to stay with me and my husband. If he had his way, he would have stayed with my siblings as he, like all Meitei elders, thinks that a married daughter's home is good only for a visit for tea. Needless to say, I am overjoyed and thankful hat he did stay with us and that joy was compounded by my brother and sister's staying with us during Dad's visit.

Like all good things though, his trip here too ended-- this morning. We dropped him off at the airport to catch an early morning flight home. And I am homesick again.

As I sit on the balcony where Dad used to read the morning paper during his stay, I think of the days as a young girl when making breakfast for the family seemed like a chore. His visit gave me the opportunity to make up a little for that. Now that I am married and hardly ever get to see him and Mama, I long for days when a simple task like making breakfast for them seems like the opportunity of a lifetime, when a simple walk in the neighboring park is a time to be cherished.

I miss you Dad, and I miss home...I miss the times as a kid when you used to take me with you to fetch the Sunday paper and ended up buying comic books for me, the rare days when I could go back home with you after school, and the times you had meetings in Shillong around the time my vacation would start and I could travel home with you. I remember the time I ran home to go out with you and Mama. It was Cheiraoba and you were going to visit my maternal grandparents and I was too late...I was inconsolable and refused to accompany Mafa who offered to take me with her. I must have been two or three then. Sigh. More memories come flooding and I feel like crying.

Yeah, I am homesick, yet again.

Being Homesick

I have stayed away from my folks for more than 14 years now, ever since I stepped out of my hometown for further studies. I remember being homesick twice during my student days.

The first time, it was my first month in the college hostel and I had a hard time coping with hostel life (to be more precise, the utter lack of amenities there) which was nothing short of a military camp! After spending a week with a roomie who was sooo much the silent type, I was soon bawling away. That night, I missed home so much, missed my parents, my grandparents, and my easy schooldays with friends back from kindergarten. Sigh.

The second time, it was during the hectic DU admission time in the summer of 1999. I had some documents which needed attestation and little did I know that some doctors actually attested your documents for a paltry sum of 15.00 INR per copy. With the last date being the next day, I went from office to office trying to get my docs attested with no luck. So much for ignorance! I was tired and didn't know what to do. Friendless in a strange city, I couldn't help missing home and how Dad used to take care of such mundane stuff. Of course, after a lot of trials, I did get my docs attested by a lady schoolteacher who was obviously moved by my plight. God bless her.

And now, I feel homesick again. Homesick for the days when Mom and Dad would hover around whenever I was unwell, trying to cheer me up with my favorite books and magazines. Married life brings you a new set of people who fuss after you: my Mom-in-law gets up in the middle of the night to give me a hot water bottle and my sisters-in-law fuss after me and force me to rest...but I still miss my childhood days and I miss home...sigh...