Homesick 3

What is it about being pregnant and being away from your parents and in-laws and extended family that makes you homesick?

There are a lot of plusses when it comes to living an "independent" life with just your husband in a land far away from home. But this isn't about the benefits of such a lifestyle. It is more about how you begin to appreciate family because you are so far away from them. Family, after all, is your bedrock, your support system. As they say, many hands make light work, and definitely more fun. Getting the dishes done by your maid isn't as enriching or as satisfying as doing the same task with your sister/mom/sisters-in-law with a dose of family-jokes and anecdotes sprinkled in between. Mundane housework remains mundane when you are the one doing it with a husband glued to the idiot box or the phone for company! Hah! Now that's when I start missing the rest of the family.

The other day, I was dicing potatoes for stir-fry when I remembered how my grandmother used to do it every morning and I remembered her instructions crystal clear as though she were right in front of me. And of course, mom used to do it differently. All in a flash, memories of the stories they had to tell about when they were young brides, when they were pregnant would come flooding. The stories had prepped me to some extent, but I was on my own. Scary...and that's a different level of homesickness altogether. When you know your elder female kin cannot be with you then and there because they are at different places, different planes of existence...

Some days get tiring and you just want to take it easy and leave making dinner to the husband. But predictably, like my mom used to fret, I would invariably worry that he'd not make dinner the way I do. Illogical totally, I know...I mean there could be a dozen ways to skin a potato and your way isn't the only way of doing things right, but that thought comes only as an after-thought. Sometimes, it's such an effort even to relax! Then I start missing the rest of the family again.

Of course, there are those days when business calls late and your husband's home barely in time for dinner. The TV's on for some background noise, the mobile phone is put to work--connecting you to friends and family while your tasks are getting done, you try reading or browsing or social networking to fill in the time, and then you flop down on the couch and realize what an effort it is to get up even for a drink of water! You waddle all over the apartment, because that's the only way to keep your balance as your weight and your belly-girth increases. The bell rings and with your limited mobility, you waddle to open the door again, taking a long breath (you are so out of breath all the time!)! Hurrah! The husband's home! I wish my mother in law was around--at least, she'd answer the doorbell and chat with me before he arrives. Boredom and homesickness all rolled into one...and I live to miss home, yet again...

Ailing Manipur

My Manipur has many ills...and I despair at its plight. You may say, every place has its own share of ills, but I think Manipur has far more than is ever high-lighted to the world.

For one, it is a strife torn state. Everyone knows that the denizens of the state are the ones who suffer silently amid the innumerable strikes, bandhs, curfews, economic blockades and bomb blasts. There are those nameless women known only as "Meira Paibi" who try to bring some semblance of order to the chaotic state of affairs and then there are better known activists like Sharmila...Amid the hullabaloo over the Armed Forces Special Powers Act, there are your usual share of thefts, robberies, kidnappings, and natural disasters. Recently, the imagination of the people of Manipur seem to be captured by Muivah's impending visit to his hometown of Ukhrul. So many protests for and against his visit and so much public property destroyed. And to what end? No satisfactory or simple answers there.

And then there are those "relatively mundane" concerns like the power problem that ails the state. Even in the capital of the state, frequent power cuts are the norm and there is a scheduled load-shedding every alternate day. Many have analysed why the state suffers thus, but still there is no viable solution. Life goes on in the meantime with the help of generators, inverters, rechargeable LED lamps, candles and the traditional "podon" and "thaomei" fuelled by kerosene. Some people have even adopted the practice of having dinner before sunset so that they can sleep through the power-less nights. Such is the power of adaptability and flexibility of the average Manipuri. Solar power has been harnessed to a minor degree but not to a sustainable level. No one is bothered about demanding something like clean fuel from the government or asking for subsidies for that when all the world is hassled about carbon credits and  carbon footprints. There are just too many things occupying the mind, like the simple act of worrying about survival. You see, you never know when a bandh or economic blockade is gonna happen. You are too busy worrying whether your loved ones will be home safe every sunset or be the prey to a stray bombing incident, shootouts or encounters...

Potable water!!! Well, it's a dream. Even after years of independence, many localities and homes do not get access to tap water. You can forget about running water inside homes. This has of course kept the tradition of fetching water from the community pond each evening alive. But that's besides the point. Suffice to say that civilization's common fruits haven't reached Manipur.

And the education system--I don't know where to start or where to end. Post independence, my father's generation went to noted government schools like Johnstone, CC, Ram Lal Paul, Tamphasana Girls. These schools had fine faculty members and facilities that a good school of those days had to have. At present, if you happen visit these schools, you can still find fine faculty members there, but the buildings are like ruins and the facilities seem straight out of the forties. The amenities seem to have been frozen in a time warp. I don't have enough context to talk about the state of affairs in privately owned schools. However, I have an inkling that while the rest of the country uses state-of-art technology in their educational institutions, the same cannot be said for those in Manipur. It's actually a wonder that good students still come from the state. It must be quite a struggle. I am told that many people send their kids to private tutors as schools do not cover the syllabi. Of course, people must be aware that last year, schools in Manipur did not operate for months on end in the stand-off between the government and some activists. In this state of affairs, quality education can only be expected to take a back seat. Sigh. It's a vicious circle.

The environment! Pollution hasn't spared Manipur. Age old traditions of Manipuri youth cleaning the community on weekends have disappeared. People are dumping their wastes on the streets and public places have become garbage dumps. Civil works like a purported sewage system installation have added to the mess as the project has been left midway. To add to the woes of the people, come some rains and the roads become a muddy swamp. No one cares, no one has time to fix these ills. After all, you are only worried about survival. Like I said before, all you care about is whether everyone is home safe and sound...and that no dear one has fallen victim to a stray bullet...

A farmer who breaks eggs?

I enjoy breaking eggs and farming. What kind of farmer breaks eggs, you may ask. Wouldn't they be more concerned with selling the eggs instead? Even though this may seem contradictory in the real world, it's quite possible to do both in the virtual world. You see, like many people on social networking sites, I play some games online. So I have a virtual farm courtesy Farmville and break eggs on Eggbreaker--both hosted on Facebook. Some scoff at how "mindless" and how futile these pursuits are, but I don't really care as long as I get my entertainment in this harmless way. To each his own, I say.

You see, some people like watching movies, some like to read, some like to vegetate in front of their TV sets, some download music/movies from the net, some people just go on long drives, some watch traffic, and some like to hang out in the mall, some like to drink--alone or with buddies, some like to run, some like yoga. It's their way of having fun. And as long as it does not harm anyone and gives the person a decent amount of enjoyment and a means to de-stress, what's the big deal? As for the so-called mindlessness behind this, how mind-bending is watching a movie or television soaps? And who says entertainment has to be mind boggling to be "decent"?

And for a person like me who doesn't have a real farm, the satisfaction of seeing my virtual plants grow to fruition is really worth it. After all, it brings a smile even after a tough day. And as for breaking eggs on Eggbreaker, it brings out the inner child in me. I break virtual eggs and wonder what will be inside. It's almost like unwrapping gifts and being surprised every time. And the prizes I get from the eggs don't take up extra space or clutter my home...after all, they are neatly arranged on my virtual shelf in my virtual trophy room.

If you have pursuits that you enjoy but people think are mindless, drop in a line. Would love to hear about it. As for me, I think I am gonna break some eggs now and check on my farm. After that, I will have some tea and join my husband and vegetate in front of the TV. :)

Being Homesick

I have stayed away from my folks for more than 14 years now, ever since I stepped out of my hometown for further studies. I remember being homesick twice during my student days.

The first time, it was my first month in the college hostel and I had a hard time coping with hostel life (to be more precise, the utter lack of amenities there) which was nothing short of a military camp! After spending a week with a roomie who was sooo much the silent type, I was soon bawling away. That night, I missed home so much, missed my parents, my grandparents, and my easy schooldays with friends back from kindergarten. Sigh.

The second time, it was during the hectic DU admission time in the summer of 1999. I had some documents which needed attestation and little did I know that some doctors actually attested your documents for a paltry sum of 15.00 INR per copy. With the last date being the next day, I went from office to office trying to get my docs attested with no luck. So much for ignorance! I was tired and didn't know what to do. Friendless in a strange city, I couldn't help missing home and how Dad used to take care of such mundane stuff. Of course, after a lot of trials, I did get my docs attested by a lady schoolteacher who was obviously moved by my plight. God bless her.

And now, I feel homesick again. Homesick for the days when Mom and Dad would hover around whenever I was unwell, trying to cheer me up with my favorite books and magazines. Married life brings you a new set of people who fuss after you: my Mom-in-law gets up in the middle of the night to give me a hot water bottle and my sisters-in-law fuss after me and force me to rest...but I still miss my childhood days and I miss home...sigh...

Rain rain come again...

So much has been written about the monsoons and how it wreaked havoc in the capital. We read stories of commuters caught in traffic snarls and of buses submerged in a flooded underpass. I braved the traffic and the rain too--what was a 10 minute commute turned out to be a ninety minute drive, and the usually one hour drive to office stretched to four hours...what a pain! But what bliss too--the hot and clammy weather had gone and we had cool rain laden breezes and winds. You could enjoy it if you were at home with a cup of hot tea and a plate of pakoras...or better still, if you could sit by the window and look at the raindrops. How pleasant it was to go for a stroll in the neighborhood park or just go up on the terrace to enjoy the weather. Some people danced in the rain. Sigh.

It's hot and humid in Delhi again. The launrdry gets bone dry in a jiffy and the traffic moves smoothly unless disrupted by accidents, a procession, or a vehicle breakdown...but the weather is all clammy.

Rain rain come again...

Go away another day

Please take away the pain

And the heat and we'll pay

the price

Of being stuck in traffic jams

Just to be able to dance again

in the rain...

Rain, rain come again.

United We Stand

United we stand.

The verity of the statement is timeless. It has been the mantra behind India's independence and the credo of many organizations. It has been the guiding principle of many a family and many groups of friends who have stuck together through thick and thin. It is also something that people with common goals (but not necessarily of similar outlook) have used from time to time. I stress on the word used. This is when the statement becomes a mockery and is subsequently reduced to mutual back scratching for mutual benefit. You might wonder what's wrong with that. Aren't we all inter-dependent beings, living in society as symbiotic creatures bonded to each other? Sigh. How or where can I even begin to explain? Look around. You can find examples everywhere, in every aspect of life.

Experts who study group dynamics have a term called cliques. It's supposed to be a high school phenomenon, but some of these extend into adult life as well. Hindi TV soaps gave examples of sisters in law ganging up against the newly wed bahu. It's a group with restricted entry. And they have targets. And they are mean. (Not that cliques are confined to soap operas or chick lit novels).

So...what's the big deal?

A lot actually. Cliques are damaging--they erode self confidences, they create silos and unhealthy competition, and they stop growth and independent thinking. Suddenly, the group is making all the decisions: who to talk to and how, who to admit into the group, and how to spend your time.

Probably unexplored is an aspect that's scary, to say the least: the clique can potentially get away with bad decisions and tardy work if it's an influential group in an organization. Birds of the same feather flock together. Another saying whose truth rings out far and wide, and has been reduced to a cliché. Indeed, sometimes, this becomes the motto of members of a clique whose sole aim is to get ahead and gain influence. That's when the seemingly childish phenomenon rears its ugly head in diverse forms elsewhere, to the detriment of society.

Hopefully, each one of us will examine whether we are becoming part of a clique, whether a clique is exerting its influence near us, and whether there are victims and collateral damage. Hopefully, we are sensitized to the dangers involved and take appropriate steps.

Life's a sine wave...

Life is a sine wave--
You ride high
On the crest sometimes.
On some days,
You hang out
In the valleys...

Wherever you may be,
Don't forget:
Better days will come.
Hang in there
For when the storm is past
The sun will shine bright again
And flowers will bloom
And bring you joy.

What I didn't like as a kid... and still don't

I have been a pretty opinionated kid as far back as I can remember, and there are quite a few things I didn't like at all. My pet peeves, as I would call them, are listed here in random order.

• I didn't like adults who talked down on you, simply because you are a kid. A patronising tone that says "I am older, have seen the stars and the sun before you; therefore, I know better"
• Adults who say "Chhooo cute" and pinch your cheeks hard (don't they know that kids can feel pain?)
  
• Adults who'd call you into the living room to have you recite nursery rhymes in front of their friends
• Having to take afternoon naps just because you are a kid and because it's supposed to be good for you
  
• Having to say namaste to those horrid unclejis and auntyjis who talk down on you anyway
• Having to tolerate stupid comments like, "You are actually my kid, and you are going to stay in my family from today." Well, I guess the adults get a kick out of seeing the look of alarm on a kid's face at this. But what a horrid thing to say! Ugh!
  

Analysis Paralysis

I was reading a post on zenhabits.net, a blog I follow when I chanced on the term "analysis paralysis" and I liked it. It really describes my state appropriately these days...

Am stuck in analysis paralysis
With no idea where to begin
Action is but a dream
Not forgotten, but surreal
Pies for every finger--
Which one should I eat first?
Which one to discard?

Start small they say--
Don't care much for the outcome...
"करम करो...करम फल की इच्छा नहीं"
हे भगवान....what do I do now?

A Jack of all trades in a box--my journey

The title is a play on "jack of all trades" and "jack in a box"...Do I see potential in the term "thinking out of the box?" Anyway, here is a capsule of my journey. From being a student of Physics to a student of Linguistics. Not very conventional, but not too unexpected either...From being an aspiring university lecturer to becoming a corporate training specialist...some overlap of functions there. And then with more changes in life, getting exposed to business, psychology, conflict management, and other previously uncharted territory like TRIZ and ASIT and Six Thinking Hats!!! Also, what about having to possibly becoming, as my colleague Ajit says, a chartered accountant, a market analyst, and a God-knows-what!!?
That makes me a sorta jack of all trades (all would be a hyperbole of sorts, but...what the ****?) and I also feel like a jack-in-the-box as I see myself springing surprises at myself (how redundant that sounds!!!). Imagine having to think out of the box just to find yourself in a totally new box altogether...box-hopping...just don't wanna end up like a round peg in a square hole.

Living or Being Your True Self

This one is inspired by a comment on my first post.

One of my friends said, “At last, you are living your own true self.” That set off a chain of thoughts in my mind. What does it really mean to live or be your true self? Who knows your self better—you or people who surround you? Do we always live our true self? I reckon, the answers to these questions are deeply linked to the concept of identity. I am who I think I am and also am the sum total of my beliefs, my worldview, my likes and dislikes. It’s about labels that society gives an individual—about norms and deviants. It’s about whether I choose to fit the norm or stay deviant, and the degree to which I choose to apply these to my life.

Who am I?

I am a person. I like to believe only that matters. However, the world we live in operates on the basis of labels. Should it matter? In an ideal world, nothing matters—all adjectives that talk of differences like race, ethnicity, religion, gender are meaningless because only one word matters—humanity. But we do not live in an ideal world. And therefore, we are surrounded by label like the hip and happening, the worldly wise, the naïve, the rich, the poor, superior and inferior…Has anything changed? Humans, in the times of crises, have risen beyond labels to stand united as one. But after the crisis passes, the labels surface again…maybe it’s in the nature of things to be this way. But I digress.

Coming back to the question of being your own true self, I think it starts from identifying and knowing yourself. What do you like? What do you enjoy doing? Has that been submerged somewhere along the way as you face life’s journey? Have you compromised on your beliefs to make others happy, and did that satisfy you? As life itself is the journey to seek your self, did you find it unnerving? Did you face your fears as you embraced your likes? What did you choose? When you chose what it did, did you unintentionally or intentionally hurt others? What did you do after that—made amends or let things be? Did you ask yourself all the uncomfortable questions that point that you weren’t human all the time? What is more important—to fight for your beliefs that would hurt others or to concede because you care more for them than your beliefs?

About me…I know I have shades of gray in my personality. My journey is in trying to identify with the light, after facing my fears. I live for myself, but I also live for my family, my near and dear ones. I know all of us have our demons to face, we all are different. And I respect those differences and try and understand where the other person comes from. Empathy or sympathy doesn’t come easy to me, but I recognize that fact, and try to overcome it. I listen. And I try to understand. I wouldn’t hurt others because I don’t like being hurt myself. I wouldn’t pinch the chubby cheeks of a child because I remember, as a child, I used to hate it so. That’s not about empathy to me, but that’s about respect. I respect the fact that a child is a human like me. My true self is all that I want to be and all that I can be; all I feel and all I enact; all my potential and all that shows at present; it is what I choose to show and what I choose to let remain…

Only I know what it means to be or to live my true self.

Looking Sleepy Dude!

Monday mornings and that's the first thing I hear as I walk in to my team bay area. Reach the cafeteria, and more on the same lines follow...Turns out this is becoming a refrain every working day of the week! "Looking sleepy!" "Hello, are you sleepwalking?" "Did you sleep in the cab?" followed by "...Your eyes look half-closed!"

Why should it matter???

Maybe it's supposed to be a north Indian greeting on the lines of "My, you look tired today!" People don't realize it's as rude as telling someone they are looking fat!

Last time I heard "Looking sleepy!" I retorted, "My! And you look astonished!" Laughter.
I said, "I think it's racist to tell a person of Asian stock that they look sleepy just because they have smaller eyes. How would you like it if I told you that you look astonished all the time because your eyes are so big/wide?" That person got the point.

1 down. How many more to go?

Nostalgia

This picture is from Ningngol Chakkouba last year: sometime in November it was. The festival itself is a lot like Bhai Dooj celebrated in north India. In the Manipuri version, married daughters are invited for a grand luncheon and showered with gifts. Post lunch, they bask in the afternoon sun, have paan, and catch up with their moms and aunts. Children have a gala time of course...

I miss the days I used to go to my Grandmother's place with Mama. Now that I am no longer a kid, I don't feel like tagging along when she visits her maternal home and I would really prefer to stay at home to meet my paternal aunts and cousins. Still, those were the days...Papa would drop us brothers and sisters there on his green scooter. It was a Lamby (or Lambretta) and really huge and noisy...I being the eldest used to ride pillion while my brother would stand in front. We'd take a lot of fruit and snacks with us for our Grandmother...except that she'd usually distribute them among all her grandchildren rather than having them herself. We'd get to meet and play with our cousins whom we don't meet otherwise, so it used to be a lot of fun. Post lunch, when they distributed gifts to Mama and her sisters, all of us cousins too would get a "dokhina" of INR 10.00 (a lot of money to a 5 year old in the 80s) from all the uncles. The fact that my mom had a lot of male cousins ensured that we at least got INR 30.00 each. And then we'd splurge on Parle Poppins candy...and greeting cards for Christmas...what fun. Sigh. Life was so simple then....

On Boredom

"Talle"-- that's the word a Meitei would use to say they were bored. It can mean I feel lazy, I don't wanna do it, I am bored, or it can even refer to the state of inertia. Nice... one word for all these states of being...not too different from one another, but that subtle difference is captured in just one word. Is it economy or being lexically-challenged? Who knows? Who cares?

All I wanna say is, "Talle."